| 619 brought upon myself in consequence of these things, and also that my health would not permit me to go to school to make any preparations for the endowment, and that my health was such that I was not able to travel, that it would be better for them to appoint one in the office that would be better able to fill it, and by doing this they would throw me into the hands of the church, and leave me where I was before I was chosen; then I would not be in a situation to bring so much disgrace upon the cause, when I fell into temptation; and perhaps, by this I might obtain salvation. You know my passions, and the danger of falling from so high a station; and thus by withdrawing from the office of the apostleship, while there is salvation for me, and remaining a member in the church-I feel afraid, if I don't do this, it will be worse for me some other day.
"And again, my health is poor, and I am not able to travel, and it is necessary the office should not be idle. And again, I say you know my passions, and I am afraid it will be the worse for me by and by. Do so, if the Lord will have mercy on me, and let me remain as a member in the church, and then I can travel and preach when I am able. Do not think I am your enemy for what I have done. Perhaps you may say or ask why I have not remembered the good that you have done to me. When I reflect upon the injury I have done you, I must confess that I do not know what I have been about. I feel sorry for what I have done, and humbly ask your forgiveness. I have not confidence as yet to come and see you, for I feel ashamed of what I have done; and as I feel now, I feel as though all the confessions that I could make, verbally or by writing, would not be sufficient to atone for the transgression. Be this as it may, I am willing to make all the restitution you shall require. If I can stay in the church as a member, I will try to make all the satisfaction possible. Yours with respect,
"'William Smith
"'Do not cast me off for what I have done, but strive to save me in the church as a member. I do repent of what I have done to you, and ask your forgiveness. I consider the transgression. the other evening, of no small magnitude; but
(page 619) |
